Gary Chapman's book is a useful tool that I also employ in some of my marital clients. It's an easy to understand book, with plenty of useful ideas. Generally Chapman (2004) distinguishes Real Love from the state of Being "In Love", which is the infatuation period of being in a temporal state of emotional high. Real Love, he argues, takes more effort to build and maintain, and he proposes identifying your own love language (i.e. the mode of interaction where you feel most loved) and also finding out your partner's love language, in order to maintain a strong and loving relationship with your significant other that lasts.
The 5 Love Languages include
1. Words of Affirmation: Words of praise and validation that either encourage us, or make us feel appreciated for our efforts in love.
2. Quality Time: Spending meaningful and dedicated time with your loved one; quality time is more about giving focused undivided attention to your significant other instead of just being in close proximity with this person. A key aspect to spending quality time, is engaging in meaningful conversation with your spouse or partner, as opposed to just being there for the ride.
3. Receiving Gifts: This doesn't necessarily mean getting the latest Gucci or Coach bag/ product or new gadget. It is more of giving visual symbols of love towards your partner. It is about valuing the wearing of your wedding ring, about gifts which take some effort on the part of the giver to show the receiver how much the giver cares about him/her.
4. Acts of Service: actions such as just doing the chores, cooking food, small things around the house that make you feel loved.
5. Physical touch: Physical touch is not only about sex (That's probably what you are thinking about...). It is about giving a hug to your partner when he/she is feeling down, or even just to show him/her how you feel. A touch may create a relationship, or it may break it. Find out what kind of touch is pleasurable for your spouse. Even just holding hands, goes a long way in telling your spouse how much you love her.
The book comes with questionnaires you can fill with your spouse to identify your primary love language. I think most of us communicate through more than one love language, and would consider the book a wonderful way to start communicating with your spouse.
Ultimately, you have to want to start making the effort to connect with your loved one, and it takes the commitment of both parties, although you may want to start identifying the language of love that your wife/husband/partner connects with the most. When she sees that you are making some effort to improve the relationship, most likely she would be inclined to do the same.
Definitely there are ways to employ these love languages within culturally appropriate contexts (I might write an article on that), but these are useful ideas that make the book an enlightening and entertaining read.
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